Coping with Conflicts: The Family Dynamics of Dementia

Families are complicated!

Each family member has different roles and personalities, and every family has different cultures, hierarchies, traditions, and roles.

A dementia diagnosis is a complex journey that can be devastating to families. When a family member is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, the effects on the entire family can be overwhelming.

Families must manage and make decisions regarding care, treatment, living arrangements, and finances.

However, with the correct information, patience, and resources, families can successfully navigate the complexities of a dementia diagnosis.

Understanding The Emotional Impact of Dementia on Families

The diagnosis can trigger a range of emotions in family members, including anger, fear, frustration, resentment, and sadness.

Copying with a progressive illness is stressful, and the emotional impacts can ignite or magnify family conflicts.

Each family member will react differently to a dementia diagnosis. Some may be in denial about the diagnosis and be unable to accept or cope with the changes in their loved ones, while others will take charge of decision-making and caregiving.

Most Common Causes of Family Conflict

Although every family is different, there are some common causes of conflict when a loved one is diagnosed with dementia.

Role Reversal

Alzheimer’s and dementia change relationships. When a parent is diagnosed with dementia, and as the disease progresses, it's common for adult children to become primary caregivers.

Bathing, dressing, or feeding a parent who was your caregiver is emotionally devastating to adult children. Parents can also become angry as they struggle to accept this change.

Financial Disagreements

Being responsible for and managing the finances of a loved one with dementia is a significant responsibility. Family members may disagree about whether to sell a home, who’s responsible for paying bills or how to handle investments.

Diagnosis Denial

It’s common for some family members to be unable to accept that a loved one has dementia or even understand what dementia is. They may refuse to see changes, which puts added stress and responsibilities on other family members.

Inconsistences in Support

When a loved one has dementia, many responsibilities must be taken over, such as caregiving, meal preparation, housekeeping, shopping, and doctor appointments.

When these responsibilities fall to one or a few family members, they can resent the lack of support from others—causing them to pull away from or withdraw from their families.

Disagreements on Caregiving

One of the most common causes of family conflict is disagreements on how to care for a loved one.

Some family members may prefer to keep a loved one at home. Maybe they promised a spouse or a parent that they would never put them in a nursing home, and they feel guilt. While others may feel like long-term care is the best option.

Caregiving Burnout

Caring for a loved one with dementia is emotionally and physically exhausting.

Most dementia care caregivers are family members who are still responsible for maintaining their households, taking care of children, and working.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, over 1 in 3 dementia caregivers say their health has gotten worse due to their caregiver responsibilities.

Caregiver stress can cause incredible anger and resentment toward not only the loved one they care for but also other family members.

If you’re a dementia caregiver and feel depressed or overwhelmed, ask for help!

Tips for Resolving Family Conflict

Even with all the changes and challenges a dementia diagnosis brings to a family, there are ways to overcome conflict and come together as a family.

Share Responsibilities

Sharing responsibilities is crucial to avoiding family conflict. Create a calendar and list current and anticipated responsibilities. Since each family member has different strengths and abilities, assign duties appropriately.

Although one family member may not be great at caregiving, they may be financially savvy, able to drive to doctor’s appointments, cook meals, research care options, or help with housekeeping.

Communicate Often

Regular Communication is vital!

Schedule regular family meetings to assess how things are going and make changes as needed. Meetings allow family members to evaluate your loved one’s needs, check in on caregivers, and allow family members to vent or express their feelings.

Respect Everyone’s Emotions & Opinions

Accept you won’t agree on everything, and everyone's opinion matters. Listen, allow everyone to speak without interruption, and practice patience and empathy.

Dementia Resources

There are times when a family needs help navigating the many responsibilities of taking care of a loved one with dementia. Whether it’s an overwhelmed caregiver, family members who can’t agree, or you need advice on caregiving options.

Professional Therapists

A professional therapist can mediate, advise, and help family members understand and process their emotions.

Alzheimer's and Dementia Support groups

Having people to speak with who can relate to what you’re going through and share experiences is invaluable. Talking with other families who have loved ones with dementia can be a great source of information and comfort.

Contact the Alzheimer’s Association for more information or to find a support group in your area.

Memory Care Communities             

Memory care communities are designed to meet the unique needs of individuals with Alzheimer’s disease and related dementias.

Memory care communities provide person-centered dementia care for residents. Residents receive care from professionally trained dementia care experts, and families receive support.

A memory care community can allow family members to enjoy spending time with their loved ones without the stress of caregiving.

Wrap-up

Copying with the family dynamics of a dementia diagnosis is challenging.

However, by understanding and anticipating the most common causes of family conflict, sharing responsibilities, communicating, and getting professional help when needed, families can successfully manage the care of a loved one with dementia.

Families can still maintain loving relationships with a dementia diagnosis. The relationship may be different, but you can still enjoy a fulfilling relationship with your loved one.