Repetitive Questions in Dementia: The Why, the How, and the Compassionate Response

“What time is dinner?”

“Where are we going?”

“When are we going home?”

“Why can’t I drive anymore?”

Caring for someone with dementia can involve an endless barrage of the same question, every few minutes, or even every few seconds. Even for the most patient person, this can be frustrating, heartbreaking, and emotionally exhausting.

Repetitive questions are one of the most common symptoms in many types of dementia, especially early on in the disease. Understanding the why behind these questions can help caregivers cope with empathy, grace, and patience.

Why Do People With Dementia Ask Repetitive Questions?

Imagine waking up in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language and every face around you looks unfamiliar. This is the reality of someone with dementia. Repetitive questions aren’t about getting an answer, they're about seeking comfort, fear, or simply trying to make sense of the world.

Other reasons contributing to repetitive questions:

• Anxiety and insecurity: The feeling of worry remains even after the question is answered
• Short-term memory loss: They may not remember that you just answered the question
• A need for reassurance: They may be seeking emotional support more than actual information
• Curiosity about what’s happening next: Uncertainty can be upsetting
• Confusion about surroundings: They may not recognize your home or understand where they are
• Need for routine: Familiarity brings comfort

How to Respond to Repetitive Questions

Responding to repetitive questions without losing your patience takes knowledge and effort. Hearing the same thing every few minutes can be exhausting and wear down even the most patient caregiver.

But remember it’s the disease, not the person. And focusing on this can put you in a better place to respond to your loved one.

Here are strategies to help you stay calm and supportive:

• Stay calm and reassuring: Your tone matters as much as your words
• Use simple, consistent wording: Repetition in your answers can be soothing
• Provide visual reminders: Use Post-it notes, signs, or a whiteboard (e.g., “Dinner is at 6 p.m.”)
• Redirect with activities: Music, simple tasks, or looking at photo albums can help with anxiousness
• Validate emotions: Saying things like “You’re safe here with me” or “I’m here, I’ll help you through it, don’t worry” can help individuals feel safe
• Limit triggers: Reduce noise, new people, unfamiliar environment, and changes in routine
• Create a calm, predictable environment: This can reduce anxiety and repetitive questions.

Q&A with Dawn Platt, Discovery Senior Living's National Director of Memory Care Programs, Dementia Trainer and Coach

Dawn answers questions from listeners and the caregiving community about responding to repetitive questions.

Question: My mom asks what time it is every few minutes. Even when she can see the clock. What can I do?

Answer: Her brain may not be responding to or processing what the clock means. In addition, the concept of time can be confusing to people with dementia. Consider using a digital clock or creating a daily schedule board.

Question: My husband keeps asking when his parents, who passed away years ago, are coming to visit. Should I tell him the truth?

Answer: Reminding him of the loss may cause him to reexperience grief every time he asks the question. Validate and redirect the conversation to a positive memory. This is hopeful, doesn’t hurt anyone, gives an answer, and provides relief for the person. Try saying, I’m sure they would love to see you. Tell me about your favorite memory with them.

Question: My dad consistently asks when we are leaving. Even when we’re not going anywhere, what’s the best way to handle this?

Answer: He may feel a sense of restlessness, anxiety, or a need to be somewhere meaningful or familiar. Try saying, “You know, Dad, not just yet, let's have some tea first, and then we will see.” Suggest a small task, such as folding the laundry or opening the mail. This can give him a sense of purpose and something to focus on. Try going for a short walk or a drive to help reset his internal clock.

Questions: How do I stop myself from snapping when the same question is asked over and over again?

Answer: Take deep breaths and step away. Removing yourself for a few moments can prevent you from snapping. Recording your answers on a notepad or whiteboard can save you from repeating yourself. Practice self-care when you feel overwhelmed. Even if it's just for a few minutes, take a break, sit on the porch, or have a cup of tea.

Wrap up

Repetitive questions are a symptom, not an attack. Responding with patience and consistency, utilizing visual reminders, and validating emotions over facts can make a world of difference for yourself and your loved one.

And don’t forget to practice self-care. Caregiver burnout is real. According to Healthline, caregiver burnout refers to becoming physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from the stress that comes from caring for a loved one who’s not well.

If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a step away, relax, and regroup. Keep in mind that there’s no manual for taking care of someone with dementia. Always give yourself some grace. You're doing the best you can.

To learn more, listen to the “Answering on Repeat: Navigating Repetitive Questions in Dementia Care” episode of The Disappearing Mind, an award-winning podcast hosted by National Dementia Coach Dawn Platt that helps listeners navigate along their personal journey with dementia through exclusive and direct perspectives of people diagnosed with the disease, their caregivers and experts in the field.